Dandilion Validation

I think, at some point, everyone feels insecure about the way that they are living their lives. I know I do (especially when I'm pregnant). I worry about the kind of wife, mother, friend, dog-owner, etc. that I am. At this point in my life, I particularly worry about my relationships with my husband and my kids. My boys - especially Clayton - are getting to an age where they are able to remember passing remarks I make and they are old enough for some of these remarks to really stick with them. Normally I don't think this is that big of a deal, I try pretty hard to watch what I say and make sure that there are more positive things that come out of my mouth than negitive.

However, occasionally, I have a bad day (don't we all) and it is reflected in my mood. I find it hard to see the bright side, make lemonade, and look on the sunny side of life. The bigger I become and the harder it gets to move my girth around, the more I experience these negitive days. Particularly at the end of the day when my body is just ready for a nap, but we have to keep plugging away with homework, dinner, baseball, etc.

Unfortunately, when I'm at the end of my rope is about the time that Clayton gets home from school. I love him more than anything, but I have a tendency to take things out on the people who I love the most and who deserve it the least. Every night, when Clayton goes to bed I find myself reflecting on the day and wondering, 'does he know how much I love him?', 'did I do/say enough positive things to him today to outweigh anything negitive that might have slipped out?', and 'does he feel secure enough with our relationship that he knows that there is nothing he could ever do that would make me not love him?'.

My insecurities began surfacing right around the time the seasons changed. The weather has been getting warmer, the grass is green again, flowers are blooming, and I think we can finally get our coats put away for good. I love this time of year. As soon as dandilions began popping up, my kids began picking them. Dandilions are wonderful. They are the only flower that kids can pick to their heart's content and not get in trouble for. I normally don't think anything of these flowers. They are kind of annoying because they appear all over the yard and it doesn't really add to your curb appeal.

About a week ago, we went to pick Clayton up from school as usual. As soon as he saw me waving he started running to me (which I always love). I noticed, however, that he stopped about halfway, picked something up, and kept running. When he got to me he presented me with a dandilion that he'd picked just for me. It made me smile. It made me reflect on what a kind, thoughtful and loving boy I have. Everyday since, he stops on his way to meet me and picks me two flowers. One yellow dandilion, and one white one that we always make a wish on and blow on together before we go to the car.

Yesterday was rough. We had more things to do than I felt we had time to do them in and I wasn't at my best. I lost my patience and my temper and definitely said a few things I regret. I tried to switch gears before bedtime, but I feared that it was too late. I'd said one negitive thing too many. Today though, when I went to pick him up from school, there was my boy running toward me, stopping halfway to pick two flowers. I know it's not a huge gesture, but the fact that he does this everyday for me makes my heart melt. The fact that he does it regardless of how the day went yesterday speaks volumes about the kind of kid he is.

I'm a lucky momma to have him. I don't know too many other kids who are as easily forgiving, as gentle, as innocent as my Clayton. I realize that in a few years he won't pick dandilions for me because it won't be 'cool', but for now, those dandilions mean the world to me. And so does Clayton.

16 at 24

I'm officially 24 weeks along today. This means I have roughly 16 more weeks before Quatro makes her appearance. 24 weeks also means that I'm starting to get BIG. No, not nearly as big as I'm going to be, but big nonetheless. My expanding body has made it difficult for me to pretend that I'm not pregnant anymore (not that we don't love Quatro, it's just nice to be able to do things like put on socks without having her in the way). I thought that, in honor of this occasion (yes, 16 weeks left is an occasion), I'd share with you 16 random thoughts that I've been having lately. You may choose to skip this post in favor of some with pictures of my kids (I wouldn't blame you), but this is my blog, and if I want to do a picture-less post with my random thoughts, I reserve the right to do so:
1. I am not ready for this baby. Last night, we put Josie to bed and I thought about how nice it was to just put my kids down and know that I could relax for the night. All of a sudden the thought popped into my head that I won't be able to do that in a few months. It made me a little sick and a little sad. Not that I don't love my babies (I certainly do) but I really like the independence my kids have right now. I can have pockets of time during the day to myself if I want them. I'm going to be sorry to see that go.
2. On the opposite side, I'm getting really excited to add a new person to our household. There's nothing like snuggling with a sweet-smelling new baby, and having them fall asleep on your chest. Plus all the kids are really excited. This is the first time they've cared. It's sweet and it adds to my excitement.
3. I've made a decision. I'm going to have 'natural child birth' (everytime I say this phrase in my head, I must do it with Bill Cosby's voice) this time. I essentially had a natural birth with Josie but it was awful. In hindsight, I realize that what made it so bad was that I wasn't prepared or planning on doing it sans drugs. The actual labor and delivery itself weren't unbearable (I say two years later). I think it helps that I progress so quickly and deliver in 10 minutes or less. So I'm going to do it au natural this time (although I'm already compiling a list of L&D room demands).
4. Relatedly, I've decided that I'M going to deliver this baby. If I'm doing it natural, I'm pulling that kid out. I won't tell you where I got this idea (because I don't want to be mocked), but it's a real thing and women are allowed to do it. I think it looks cool and figure that since this is my last kid, I'm going to give it a shot.
5. Clayton and Noah had their first official baseball game yesterday. It was so fun. There is nothing so cute and funny as watching little kids play sports. There were many mishaps and quite a bit of confusion, but Justin and I laughed and smiled throughout the whole game. Awesome.
6. Speaking of the game. Can I just brag about my boys!?! They did amazing! I was worried about Noah because he's such a Pootie, but he was hitting coach pitch balls like they were nothing! I was impressed. And as for Clayton, he's a star! He was fielding those balls like a pro, and scored quite a few good hits himself! Now, I know they don't keep score at those games (which I'm grateful for), but I was keeping score in my head and the Martin's Supermarket team would have dominated!
7. There is a 5K in a month that I was hoping to run. After my run yesterday though, I'm realizing that this might not be possible. My body is just getting too big and achy to run that distance. It makes me disappointed because it was a goal I'd set, but I think I'll sign up for it anyway. I'll run what I can and walk what I can't. It's not what I'd intended, but I'll take it.
8. Josie had her two year check this week. I learned that she's 'long and lean'. She's in the 50th percentile for height and the 10th for weight. Her doctor wasn't at all concerned about it but she did suggest we switch to 2% milk just to boost her fat intake. I hate 2% milk, but I love Josie, so we've made the switch.
9. The doctor also commented on Josie's above average verbal and social development (yep, bragging again). I think it's partly that she's the third kid and has to speak up and partly because something about the combination of Justin's and my genes produces uber social and outgoing kids.
10. I cleaned my wedding ring yesterday. This isn't super newsworthy other than to say that, 9 years later, I LOVE my wedding ring. I think it's beautiful and perfect and I still stop and stare at it on my finger sometimes. Justin did well. Very well.
11. I've been thinking about cravings. With Clayton, I loved all things cheese. Grilled cheese, cheese omlettes, string cheese, cheese curds, etc. With Noah it was all things bacon. Bacon 24/7. The more the better. With Josie it was pasta salad, peanut butter and honey sandwiches and Chex Mix (ahhh, the Chex Mix). With Quatro, I'm finding that I love baked Cheetos. I could eat them exclusively and be completely satisfied with that. I'm also loving Rocky Road ice cream. I notice that I don't ever crave healthy things. I hear about women who crave fruits and veggies and wonder why I can't crave that. I eat them, don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy. But they do NOT satisfy (I have to follow them with Baked Cheetos chasers). Pregnancy is weird.
12. Quatro does not have a name yet. When we first found out we were pregnant, Justin and I decided that if it was a boy, I'd get to choose the name and if it was a girl, he would get to choose. I was certain it was a boy so I thought for sure I'd get name-choosing rights, but it's up to Justin. He either doesn't know or won't say (I believe it's the first). We do know what her middle name will be though.
13. This baby is very busy. She moves a lot. As much as there is about pregnancy that bugs me, that is one thing that I can never get enough of. I love feeling them move, it's so reassuring. Plus it's insanely weird and cool. We're starting to get to the point where I can see some of the movement from the outside. It's not as dramatic as it will be once she starts running out of room or anything, but it's bizare to see your stomach rolling and jerking like that. I love it.
14. I've been thinking about taking this blog private at some point before the baby comes. I've been giving this a lot of thought over the past few months and I feel that it may be time. I won't do it abruptly or anything (I'll give everyone fair notice), but I'm seriously considering it. Along the same vein, I'm thinking of terminating my facebook account around the same time. I feel a little TOO accessable lately, I'm not sure it's a good thing.
15. Mother's Day is on Sunday. I was thinking about last year when I was super sick on Mother's Day. My kids got me a book that I'd wanted and Justin took the whole crew to church and I got to stay home, in bed, with my new book. Even though I felt awful, it was a great and relaxing Mother's Day. I never really have high expectations for Mother's Day, but every year my family comes through in a major way. Noah has already started singing me Mother's Day songs that he makes up and Clayton was telling me this morning about the amazing cake they wanted to make for me. I'm already excited.
16. We're down to about 2 and a half weeks before our Mexico trip! I have a passport! I've never been anywhere that required a passport! It's going to be 7 days of me and Justin and our friends and no kids. Sometimes I get nervous to leave them for a week (although I know they'll have an awesome time with Grammy and Grandpa). That aside, this vacation is coming at the perfect time. I need a nice, relaxing, WARM getaway with my guy.
Stay tuned for next week with I post 15 random thoughts at 25 weeks! (Just kidding, this won't be a regular thing...probably.)

Boys of Summer (and other activities)...

Slowly but surely we're seeing signs of spring in the air. The trees are budding, flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, and the sun is staying out until well after 8:00 (when it comes out, that is). Because the weather is not quite so freezing (it's still pretty dang cold out), we've been getting out more! Hooray! The most notable thing that's been going on is that the boys have started league baseball. Because it's the first year for both boys, they're on the same team. At first, I didn't know how I felt about it. Okay, I knew exactly how I felt about it. I didn't like it. After a few practices though, I'm okay with it. It makes it way more convenient for me, plus their coach is amazing and I'm glad that both boys get to work with him. It's a good first experience for both of them. Anyway, it's been a long time since I did a good old picture overload. So here goes:
A little backyard spring training:
Josie is such a good little bat girl.

I love that when they practice, everyone gets involved (including Disco - he loves a good game of catch)!
Noah's class has been learning about 'community helpers'. For sharing this week they had to bring something that represented a community helper. Noah got to bring his daddy's old lab coat and one of his stethoscopes. Such a handsome future doctor!
Clayton wanted to try it on too!
Of course they then had to practice listening to their heartbeats.
Disco had to go to the vet to have his nails clipped. Because he gets such bad anxiety when anyone touches his nails he has to be sedated. Poor Disco. Noah was there to keep him company in his melancholy state. I thought it was sweet.
For Easter, the boys got kites. It has been rainy every day since, which has disappointed them so much because they wanted to fly kites so badly. Finally, this weekend, we got a break from the rain and the first thing we had to do was get the kites out! We picked Clayton up from school on Friday and headed straight to the park. Josie played on the playground while the boys flew their kites on the field right next to it. We had an amazing time. We laughed, we ran, we played. It was the perfect kite flying day. I'm so glad we took advantage!

The boys were surprisingly good kite fliers. We loved it and can't wait to go again!

Today was the opening day for baseball. It started with a parade to the park. Each team got to ride in the back of a truck with their coach. It was very exciting and very cute. This is Clayton and Noah's team. They are the 'Martin's Supermarket' team. Unfortunately, Clayton had to miss the parade because of a birthday party, but Noah was able to be there and loved every second of it. I LOVE his grin in this picture (he's bottom right)!
I think he's so cute!
Josie was underwhelmed with the parade. I love this picture so much. It cracks me up.
After the parade, they had some opening ceremonies and then it was time for each team to play their first game. Since it was mostly ceremonial, each team only played one inning. By this time, Clayton was done with his party and was at the game. He has really developed a love of baseball and was thrilled to play in a game today - even if it was only one inning! This is them warming up.
Clayton in the field.
He's actually a great fielder (says the unbiased mom). He really keeps his eye on the ball and goes after it and throws it right where he's supposed to. Since he's one of the oldest kids on his team, he's one of the best and it's good for him to be so successful. I loved watching him out there!
Noah struggles a bit more than Clayton (he doesn't share his brother's enthusiasm). However, I'm hoping that as the season progresses, he'll get better. He knows how he should stand when fielding (so professional).
This was his position of choice for the majority of the inning though. Still cute, but less effective.
Clayton at bat. His pants are huge. I tried to convince him to wear his jeans instead, but there was no way he was taking off his baseball uniform (and he did wear it ALL day long)!
Swing batter, batter, batter.
Noah up to bat. First you have to tap the plate...
...then take a wild swing at the coach pitch ball...
...then make a successful hit off the tee with your tounge out!
Josie was a good cheerleader (way more managable than she was last year).
She was still all over the place, but at least this year she isn't putting everything in her mouth! That alone makes her way easier to manage!
She got hold of Clayton's glove while he was at bat and raced as fast as she could to get to the field. Fortunately she's not too fast and was easy to catch! She wanted to be out there like her big brothers.
A post game pep talk from the coach! Team 'Martin's Supermarket' did great! They're going to have a wonderful season, I can feel it!
This was right before Clayton went up to bat. I don't think I can get enough of the 'tounge through the hole' pictures.
The most handsome boys of summer!
One of their new favorite past times is climbing the trees in the woods by our backyard. There have been tons of scrapes because of these trees, but the boys don't seem to care. They love climbing these trees!
My two little monkeys!
Just thought this was cute. Love that little face.
Our summer is shaping up to be a busy one. However, if this spring is any indication, it's going to be a fun one!

Easter

I had grand intentions of photographing all of our Easter activities this year. Long story short - I didn't. You can blame it on pregnancy, but I don't know how much that actually had to do with it. I just didn't take pictures. Let it be known, we did color Easter eggs, eat a delicious Easter meal, and the children did wear nice springy clothes to church. Fortunately, my sister-in-law never leaves home without her camera! I'm lucky that she lives so close. She can document my children's lives when I fall short.

One of the things we did was have an Easter egg hunt with Jared and Kerstin's kids. I was worried that we wouldn't be able to do it since the weather has been so crummy, but it miraculously cleared up for Easter weekend (and then went right back to crummy). However, we were able to spend the weekend outside, which was nice. The kids were thrilled with the hunt. It was a smashing success!
Despite Josie's somewhat crusty expression, she was super excited to participate in the egg hunt.
Clayton was an easter egg hunting machine! I love that he's old enough to be this excited over all these little holiday traditions!

Landon, Ella, Clayton, and Noah.





Josie was surprised and delighted to find that there was candy in the eggs! I think that was the highlight for her!
Sunday morning, the kids discovered that the Easter bunny had come! Josie was thrilled with her new Dora book!
The goods!
Noah's basket was trickier to find, but he eventually found it. There was a kite and a nerf gun in it! The boys have been dying to go out and fly kites, but since the rain returned, there hasn't been a good day for kite flying.
Airplane candy!
Clayton's Easter basket was the trickiest of all to find. He was a trooper though and persisted until he found it. He was pleasantly surprised with a Magic Treehouse book, a kite, an airplane candy, and a nerf gun! (Smart Easter Bunny. He put the same things in each boy's basket. No coveting, no fighting. He's a genius!)

Josie in her Easter outfit. What you can't see are her super cute gold gladiator sandals. Sometimes I covet her clothes.
Handsome Noah. Tragically, there is no picture of Clayton. Yes, there is some mommy guilt there. He was tying his shoes when I was taking pictures and then we were running behind and I thought 'I'll take his picture after church'. Didn't happen. Bad mommy. He was extremely handsome though.
Post Easter slaughter. We turned our backs on Josie for 10 minutes. Mistake!!!
She'd gotten one of the unwrapped chocolate bunnies off the counter, snuck it into the toy room, chewed through the wrapping, and ate the bunny's face off. You got to hand it to her, she's determined!
Despite our lack of pictures, our Easter was a good one. The boys are old enough to understand the true meaning of Easter and Clayton and I actually had a couple of really good discussions on resurrection and the life of Christ. We enjoyed spending time together with family and had a great weekend!