The one where Ariane rants for no apparent reason

I'm getting old. Not one foot in the grave old or anything, but old enough to where dinner at 4 and bedtime at 8 is starting to sound pretty good. Plus my sister and I recently had a discussion on how nice it would be to wear adult diapers (but only for road trips and night time, so it's not weird or anything). So yeah, getting old.

The way I see it, there are several perks to getting old. You get to hang out in a muumuu, you sleep when you want, you can go ahead and diet but no one is going to comment on it if you just decide to let yourself go instead, you can ignore people and they just assume you don't hear them, no one asks you to use technology, and you can pretty much say whatever you want and people just let it go because - you know - you're old and might not be all there.

Like I said, I'm not that old yet (sigh), but I do have some elderly-type ranting stuff on my mind and I thought, "Hey, I have a blog! I'm gonna get some of this stuff off my chest!"

So here goes:

1. Hashtags. What's their purpose? Why does everyone use them for everything. I don't get it. Are we too lazy to put spaces and capitol letters in our sentences now? I say we just get rid of them. #thingsidontunderstand

2. Socks. If I have to ask the question(s), "Where is your sock?"/"Where are your socks?" one more time, I swear my head will explode. We're only three days into the school year and already I'm waging a sock war with my boys. It's giving me a nervous tick. #thissockthingreallybothersme

3. Preggo and Jelly. I love a good abbreviation. I like to abbrev all sorts of things. It's fun, it's fast, it's cute...most of the time. I take specific issue with preggo (and preggie, preggers, any abbreviation of the word pregnant really) and jelly. If you're pregnant, just say pregnant. Preggo is a spaghetti sauce, preggie sounds like piggy (which is NOT something you want to be compared to when you're with child), and preggers is just obnoxious. Along the same vein, if you're jealous, just say so. Jelly goes on a sandwich or it's something your legs can turn to when you're scared/in love/etc. So don't abbreviate those words. It's foolish. #preggoandjellyarereallydumbabbreviations

4. Moustaches. What is the fascination with them? Do we all secretly harbor a desire to look like porn stars? Some men can pull off a moustache. I've seen it. Tom Selleck - absolutely. Burt Reynolds - sure, why not. However, the rest of us can't. Why are they on t-shirts and dinnerware and attached to sunglasses and everything else in America? It's a moustache. Unless you're using it to play a rousing game of 'pin-the-dirty-stache-on-(fill in the blank)' let's just leave them to the professionals. Mmm-kay?
#moustachesareuselessbutpeoplekeepputtingthemonstuff

5. Gym creepers. There are people at the gym who will sit and watch me while I use a machine. I realize that it's because they're (hopefully) waiting for me to get off of it so they can use it, but it's still creepy. Either ask me how long I'll be or go find a different machine. Truthfully, if you're a creeper I'm going to take my sweet time on the machine, just to teach you a lesson. I may never get off! I may take it home with me! Ha! #allmygymcreepersseemtobeelderlymen

6. Made up names. I would hate for us all to be Sue or John and I like name diversity but some people go too far. Plate? Not a name. Mister? Are you serious? Banjo? North? Come on people. Have some class. And don't get me started on what (some) people in Utah are doing to their poor kids (not making any generalizations, but for real, it's disturbing). If you don't understand, you can watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfIehCrO4Zs
#wherehaveallthenormalnamesandspellingsgone

7. Blogging. All of a sudden everyone quit on me. There are still a few (very few) of us out there who keep it up but for the most part, ya'll stopped. Riddle me this: how am I supposed to effectively stalk you when you don't blog? Facebook is great for finding out your political affiliation and for engaging in lengthy debates that no one cares about but otherwise, it's not as cool as a blog. And since I don't do instagram or the twitter I rely on blogs to find out all the goings on in your lives. I beg you, blog more. Help me be a better stalker. #ificantblogstalkyouimayjusthavetoshowupatyourdoor

8. Babies who think they can grow up. Sammie will be two next week. I don't care for that at all. #sweetandcutebabiesneedtostaybabiesespeciallywhenmamaainthavingnomore

9. Netflix. Our Netflix is currently not working. If it were, I might be watching a Bones marathon instead of ranting to you like a 90 year old woman. #bonesisagreatshowbutmanalivetheyshowsomegrossstuff

10. Eating healthy. I've recently (last March) started making changes to my diet. It worked great for a few months but now I'm sort of off the wagon. I still start every day with a green smoothie, and I try to be careful, but let's face it - homegirl wants a bag of chips and a carton of ice cream - every day. I keep trying to get back on the wagon and I'll have one or two good days in a row...but then...I see a package of chips, or I'm an idiot and make homemade bread (which isn't unhealthy - unless you eat a whole loaf by yourself in one sitting), or I'll find a bag of M&M's stashed in the pantry. I'm not trying to deprive myself. I'm just trying to do a moderation thing and I don't do moderate very well when junk food is involved. It's a vicious cycle and I just can't seem to get on top of it. I wish I was one of those people who was just naturally thin no matter what she ate. I'd be the least healthy skinny person in the world. And happy about it! #eatinghealthyruinslives

I think I'll stop there. Ten rants is a good number I think. I effectively filled my 'elderly' quota for the night.

Just so you don't find this post a total waste, here's a picture of one of my cute offspring:

Beautiful and bookish. That's how we do it over here! #shesawesome

Next up for me: a muumuu and an 8:30 bedtime! Ahhh, the perks of being old!

#bythewaydidimakeyouhatehashtagsbecauseiwasreallytryingto