The Smith's: Imagine you're drowning...

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Imagine you're drowning...

I've watched this no less than four times (so far) and I laugh out loud every single time. Four kids. He nailed it. If you have 4+ kids you'll laugh because this is SO your life. If you don't have 4 kids you'll laugh because the rest of us are suckers.

You're welcome!

2 comments:

Three Lads and a Lis said...: Thank you so much for that!!! Sam and I were cracking up, I was crying!!!

I especially loved the homebirth bit.

Made my night.; Fri Dec 14, 02:11:00 AM 2012
Rachel B. said...: Ariane!!! I have been looking for this clip forever!! I watched it with my parents over the summer and I was seriously dying. I've been telling Tom about it and trying to find it, but couldn't for some reason. The "imagine you're drowning..." quote is seriously the funniest thing. Also LOVE the bit about kids' sleep. SO TRUE!!!! So glad you posted it here!; Fri Dec 14, 09:33:00 AM 2012

Prove it.

This morning we were running late for church. Sammie had overslept and didn't get to eat breakfast before we left for church (we meet at 9). So I shoved a banana and some graham crackers into my bag to feed her during Sacrament Meeting if she got hungry.

Sure enough, about 15 minutes into the meeting she needed that banana. So I peeled it for her and held it while she took (huge) bites. After each bite, she'd make a (loud) squeaking sound. After a while of this Noah leaned over to talk to me.

Noah: Mom.
Me: What?
Noah: I think Sammie is a monkey.
Me: What?
Noah: I think Sammie is a monkey. For real.
Me: Why?
Noah: Because she's eating a banana and making monkey sounds.
Me: Oh, I don't think she's trying to sound like a monkey, I just think she's excited to have something to eat.
Noah: Hmmm. Well, I think she's part monkey and if you don't want me to believe it, you're gonna have to prove it.

I'd like to prove that Sammie's not part monkey, but the reality is I think all my kids are part monkey. Somebody want to prove me wrong?

The Curse

Clayton loves to invent games for the kids to play. Since Josie is the president of Clayton's fan club she's always on board. Noah is a different story. He likes to play the games if it's something he's interested in but if not, he could care less. This really frustrates Clayton. He enjoys playing with Josie but he also really wants Noah to be included too. Whenever Noah turns him down he takes it very personally and has, therefore, made it his mission to find ways to get Noah to always play his games. This went down tonight:

Clayton: Noah, if you don't play with us you'll suffer a curse!
Noah: What's the curse?
Clayton: I'm not sure, but I know it's REALLY BAD!
Noah (takes a second to think and stare back and forth between Clayton and Josie): Hmmm, I think I'll take the curse.

I had to laugh. Noah is so stubborn and independent. Pootie.

My boys love to eat toast with Nutella for breakfast. It's a really messy meal though. This morning as I was helping Noah get ready for school I noticed some Nutella on his forehead. How it got there I'll never know. I went into mom mode and licked my finger (just a little) and wiped the Nutella off. I usually hate when I see parents doing that to their kids, but sometimes it really is the best and fastest way to clean your kid off. Noah was pretty grossed out too.

Noah: Mom! Why did you do that?
Me: You had Nutella on your forehead. I had to get it off.
Noah (disgusted face): MOM! That's NO excuse to wash me with lick!

Then I laughed...because he's right.

A few weeks ago we went to Clayton's friends open house to celebrate his first communion. Since neither one of us have any experience with first communion I had done a little research and I explained to Clayton, in terms he could understand, what first communion was. I explained to him that first communion was important because it was the first time George would be taking the sacrament.

It was actually pretty great. We were able to discuss George's religion and how it compares with ours. We talked about how some things were the same and some things were different. It was a great dialogue and I feel that we're both better for it.

Anyway, the open house was on Sunday and, because we meet so late, we went over right after church...dressed in our Sunday clothes. At the open house, we were the only people there in Sunday dress - aside from George.

One of George's sisters (who are all older), asked:
"Clayton, did you have your first communion today too?"

His response:
"Nah, I've been taking the sacrament for years."

He left a lot of confusion in his wake but he was perfectly polite and innocent about the whole exchange. It still makes me smile when I think about it. Kids are funny - especially when they don't mean to be!

Yesterday I was loading the kids in the van to take Noah to school. I had them all loaded, then ran in the house to grab my bag. When I got back in the car I noticed that it smelled like poo (yes, gross, I know). I asked Noah, "Did you fart?" he told me no. I asked Josie, "Did you toot?" she told me no. I asked them if they smelled that smell and they both told me no. I repeated once more, "Man, it stinks in here." To which Noah replied (very exasperatedly):

"If it stinks so bad in here, quit smelling!"

He was being so sassy and snarky but I was laughing too hard to get mad. Love that kid.

(And the smell turned out to be coming from Sammie's diaper, so that smell was NOT in my imagination!)

Ask a stupid question...

Today I was having the boys pick up so that I could sweep and vaccum the floor. Part of picking up at our house includes picking up stray shoes that have wandered around the house and putting them in the hall closet in the correct person's cubby. This has always been part of the picking up process. For some reason, Clayton has selective memory (I think it's because he's entering the 'guy' phase of life - I doubt he'll hear much of what I say anymore). Here's the conversation.
Clayton: Mom, do we have to pick up the shoes?
Me: If you wouldn't mind.
Clayton: We would.
Me (giving him a chance to self-correct): Excuse me?
Clayton: I said 'we would'.
Me (stern expression, hands on hips, using 'the voice', the works): I don't think I'm hearing you correctly, one more time please?
Clayton (in a loud, slow voice and looking me right in the face - as if I'm hard of hearing): I said we would mind. We don't want to pick up the shoes.
I swear, this kid. He makes me laugh, sometimes at the most inappropriate times.

Josie has recently quit napping. This does not mean that I don't try putting her down every day. She always escapes and joins us downstairs though. I wouldn't mind it so much if she understood that "quiet time" is our time to play quietly and independently so that mommy can have a small break. Yesterday:
Josie (right after breaking free): Hi mom!
Me: Hi Jo, what are you doing?
Josie: Sorry mom.
Me: Can you go back upstairs for nap time?
Josie: No.
Me: Okay then, can you sit quietly and have quiet time by Noah?
Josie: No mom. I won't be quiet.
At least she's honest. :::sigh:::

The boys are obsessed with geography. I mean OBSESSED! They love to look at maps, play games with countries, and learn trivia. I have an app on my iPad that I let them play that combines all these things: maps, games, and trivia. It's called Stack the Countries and they love it. However, they can't always pronounce the names of the countries correctly and when they can't figure it out, they just make up names for countries. There was one country that they kept calling 'Carupas'. They talked about 'Carupas' all the time and it was bothering me that I had no idea what they were talking about. So I finally looked it up. They were talking about Cyprus. I fixed their pronunciation and we went on our way.
Last night at dinner the boys were talking countries. Noah mispronounced Venezuela. Clayton didn't even miss a beat:
"Noah, it's Ven-ez-WAY-lah. You're Carupassing it."
I almost choked on my water.

I had gotten out a travel sized tube of toothpaste for the boys to use to brush their teeth (I relocated their regular size tube downstairs for easy access in the off-to-school rush). As I was brushing Noah's teeth with it, this was the conversation:
Noah: Mom, is this toothpaste mimimum?
Me: Minimum?
Noah: Yes.
Me: Do you mean miniature? Because yes, this toothpaste is miniature.
Noah: No! Minumum! This toothpaste is spicy!
Me (laughing): OH! You mean cinnamon. Yes, cinnamon is spicy, but this isn't cinnamon.
Noah (with the classic eye roll): No. I mean minimum.
I explained to him what minumum meant, but I don't think he believed me. That's Pootie for you, he's always right...even when he's wrong.

Last night at dinner the conversation turned to next school year. We were talking about how Noah was going to be starting kindergarten (hopefully) at Clayton's school. The boys were getting really animated and excited discussing this (even though this school year is far from over). The conversation progressed to bus riding and the boys got really excited at the prospect of riding the same bus next year.
Clayton: We can sit together on the bus!
Noah: YES! But what if someone else wants to sit with you instead?
Clayton: Well then I will just tell them that I want to sit with you.
Noah (beaming): YES! We will be brothers AND friends!
This made me tear up. I have such good boys. I'm glad that they are brothers AND friends. Just how it should be.

Vacation!?!

Noah was intentionally saying things to get on Clayton's nerves. Clayton kept complaining that Noah wouldn't stop talking to him. I told Clayton to just ignore him. Clayton told me that he didn't know if he could. Enter Noah.

Noah: Clayton it's easy to ignore somebody.
Clayon: Yeah?
Noah: Yeah, you just pretend they aren't there.
Clayton: It doesn't sound easy.
Noah (with a devilish grin): Yes it is, I ignore you all the time!

Clayton still didn't quite get the whole ignoring thing, but as long as Noah's around, he'll have plenty of opportunity to practice!

The difference

Today Noah and Josie were fighting over a toy (no surprise). It was a toy car that I'm pretty sure Noah didn't care about until Josie got hold of it.

He kept yelling at her, "It's AWESOME! It's AWESOME!"

I asked him why she couldn't have the car and he informed me the there is a difference between boys and girls:

Girls like things that are pretty. Boys like things that are AWESOME!

If you're wondering, things that are awesome cannot be pretty and things that are pretty cannot be awesome. I know. I asked the expert.

The Country according to Clayton

Clayton: Mom, can we move to Maine?
Me: Probably not. Why?
Clayton: I hear it's lovely there.

(As we wait for the bus stop)
Clayton: Mom, it smells like Las Vegas out here today.
Me: Why?
Clayton: Because the bus isn't here yet, but the air smells like bus!

(As we were researching information for his upcoming project on Illinois)
Clayton: Awesome, Mom, do you see that?
Me: See what?
Clayton: They speak English in Illinois!
Me: Yep, it looks like they do.
Clayton: Yeah, so if we moved there we wouldn't have to learn Spanish.

(On the capitol)
Me: The President of the United States started out in Illinois. That's interesting.
Clayton: Yeah, does he still live there?
Me: No, he lives in Washington DC now because that's the capitol of our country.
Clayton (eye roll): Mom, that's not the capitol.
Me: It certainly is!
Clayton: Mom, the capitol of the United States is Indianapolis.
(He has since been taught in school that this is not true. Apparently it isn't true unless it's taught to him by his teacher. I don't know what I'm talking about.)

A Girl's Best Friend

This morning Noah was using his hands to make shapes. He would make a shape and ask me to identify the shape he made. At one point, he made a heart. Noah: Is this your favorite shape Mom? Me: I do like hearts. Noah: Yeah, they're your favorite. At this point, Clayton (who was getting ready for school) decided he needed to chime in. Clayton: Noah, that is NOT Mom's favorite shape. Everyone knows that all girl's favorite shape is a diamond! Duh! Noah: I can make a diamond. Is it your favorite shape Mom? Me (laughing): I suppose it is. Clayton: Of course it is. You're a girl, aren't you? I chose not to respond.

This morning, Noah and I were having some quiet time watching some TV while we waited for Josie to wake up. We were watching old Saved By the Bell reruns on TBS. One of the commercials was for Conan O'Brien's new show. In the commercial Conan was in India making silk draperies. Noah watched the commercial with surprising attention. At the end of the commercial, Noah looked at me and said:

Mom, we just saw Jesus!

I chuckled and corrected him and told him that it was not, in fact, Jesus that we had just seen.

It's good to know that he'll pay super good attention to Jesus though!

I've been trying to get the boys to write Christmas lists. It's hard because they seem to want everything that they see on the TV, but when we talk about it with the TV off, they are both at a loss (see the previous sidebar). I've been trying to hint and suggest at things that I think they'd like but, until last night, I was getting zip.

Clayton finally found something 'awesome' on the Toys R Us website and shared, in detail, with Noah what he was going to ask for. Noah got so excited! He started jumping up and down yelling:

I know what I want! I know what I want!

I thought for sure he was going to ask for the same remote control car that Clayton had just described. Nope. His response shocked me into fits of laughter:

I want a new bucket! I want a new bucket!!

See, the boys had the stomach flu a few days ago and were forced to sleep with old Country Crock butter buckets to prevent me having to wash their bedding everyday. I guess Noah just wanted something a little nicer to vomit into.

Ah well, at least he'll be easy to please this year!

What's up indeed!

This year, our family will be celebrating Christmas a little bit early because Justin is (unfortunately) working on Christmas day. Boo. However, because we get to celebrate early I've been pestering the kids lately to write their letters to Santa.

Fortunately my boys are just so excited at the prospect of new toys that they really don't even care what new toys they get. It's sweet and while I know the time of insane Christmas greed is coming, right now I really do treasure their innocent bliss. However, I do want them to get things that they really want so I've been encouraging them to write lists.

Clayton had no idea what to ask for (he just wanted something 'awesome'). Since I have no idea what is 'awesome' we decided to peruse the Toys R Us website to get some ideas. We found a few contenders but what we mostly saw were Zhu Zhu Pets. They are weird hampster looking things. I'm not sure what the big deal with these things is, but they look obnoxious. Thankfully, Clayton agrees with me. After looking at what had to be the millionth Zhu Zhu Pet. Clayton said:

What's up with all these Zhu Zhu Pets. They're so lame. I wish they had more awesome toys.

Well spoken Clayton.

Nuts

Noah is very demanding lately. When he demands things I typically decline just to teach him a lesson. Sometimes it's pretty funny though:

Noah (scowling and frowning): I want to go outside.
Me: That's not a nice way to ask.
Noah (scowling and frowning even deeper): Yes it is. I want to go outside.
Me: Nope. Sorry.
Noah: You say YES!
Me: No I did not. Maybe you should think of a better way to ask me.
Noah: You say yes and let me go outside or I'll tell everyone that you're NUTS!
Me (dying laughing): You go ahead and tell them then because the answer's still no.
Noah: FINE! (storms off)

**If you see Noah, try to act surprised when he tells you I'm nuts.**

I'd read that...

I just finished reading a book called 'Water for Elephants'. Noah had asked me at one point what my book was called and I told him. Then I finished reading it and put it on the shelf. This morning, Noah took it off the shelf and brought it to me.

Noah: Mom, here is 'Water for Elephants'.
Me: Thanks buddy, but I'm done reading it. Go put it back.
Noah: I read it too. Do you know what it's about?
Me: No, please tell me.
Noah: The elephants want water, so they go to the pond and get a drink, but the alligators snap them and they fall into the water. Then the alligators can't eat them because they are too big and will smash them so they tell the elephants to get out of the water and GO AWAY! So the elephants do. The end.
Me: Wow, that sounds like an exciting book.
Noah: It is.

Accidentally on Purpose

I had just finished sorting all the laundry in our bathroom. I was going to fix my hair before I took the first load down so I was in the bathroom with three medium piles of clothing. Enter Noah.

Noah: Mom, can I jump in a pile of clothes?
Me: Nope.
Noah: Can I roll around in a pile of clothes?
Me: Nope.
Noah: Can I kick a pile of clothes?
Me: Nope.
Noah: Hmmm. I think it would be really fun to jump in a pile of clothes.
Me: I think I would be angry with you if you chose to do that.
Noah: I think it would be an accident mom. You can't get mad at me if it's an accident.

Guess who did jump in a pile of clothes? Guess who tried very hard to convince me it was an accident? Guess who got in a lot of trouble for doing it?? Ah, Pootie!!

Wishin' and Hopin'

Yesterday at lunch Clayton surprised me with some exciting news!
Clayton: Mom, I'm going to marry Kambry.
(Kambry is his friend from church. Cute girl, good family. Other than the fact that they're 6 I totally approve.)
Me: Oh yeah?
Clayton: Yes, and maybe she will let me be a part of the wedding. Maybe she'll let me wear a flower. She'll get to wear a big dress and a crown, or maybe a tiara.
(I'm not sure where he learned the word 'tiara' but at least he seems to have a realistic grasp on how weddings go.)
Me: That sounds great pal, I think you should be a little older though before you go off and get married.
Clayton: Okay, so what then? Like, 8?
Me: How about at least 22.
Clayton: I'll think about it.

The Punching Game

Today Clayton told me that he and Noah were going to play a game called, "The Punching Game". It goes like this - the boys punch each other until one of them falls down. The boy left standing is the winner.

I told them it was a bad idea and that someone was GOING to get hurt. Not 'might get hurt' someone WOULD get hurt. Clayton said they were okay with that and wanted to play. I thought it would be a good teachable moment so (being a good mom) I let them start punching each other.

It started out okay. Noah would fall and get back up and it was no biggie. Until Noah clocked Clayton and he went down...HARD!

Clayton: I'm hurt!
Me: I told you someone would get hurt. You should have listened and obeyed.
Clayton: I know, but it wasn't supposed to be ME who got hurt.
Me: Noah, Clayton is hurt.
Noah (with a big victory grin on his face): Yep. It's 'cuz I punched him.

Needless to say the 'Punching Game' will not ever be played in the Smith home again.

Boys. Grrrr.

Hypochondriac

I've mentioned before that Clayton has anxiety. He gets really worked up over very little things. This has recently turned into hypochondrianism (yep, I made it up). He always thinks he has whatever disease he hears about. So today we were driving and listening to the radio when I hear from the backseat:

Clayton: "Mom. I have Bieber Fever."
Me (trying not to swerve the car out of laughter): "You have WHAT!?!"
Clayton: "Bieber Fever"
Me: "Why, are you a teenage girl?"
Clayton (eyeroll): "No"
Me: "Then how do you know you have it?"
Clayton: "Because I have it mom, that's how I know!"

So there you go. My kid has Bieber Fever. Does anyone know of a cure???

So I can hold it over his head later...

Today as we were driving, Clayton kept making suggestions of places we should stop. I told him we needed to get home so Josie could take a nap. He replied:
"I can't wait until I'm grown up and can drive the car. I am going to stop WHERE EVER my kids ask me to!"
My friend, I have a feeling that these words are going to come back and bite you. He also told me today that he is going to have 7 kids. 4 girls and 3 boys and that one of the boys will be named 'Click'. Definitely something to share with his future wife...

Scariest room in the house

Our new house is awesome. We have so much more space then we have ever had before and we are loving it! The boys are fascinated with all our rooms and are very interested in what all the rooms are for.
The other day, Clayton said to me:
"Mom, how do we die?"
I was taken aback by this question. Justin and I tried many different ways to answer his question in an appropriate way. Things like, 'your spirit leaves your body', and, 'you go live with Heavenly Father'. Finally, I asked:
"Clayton, why do you want to know?"
He promptly pointed to a room to his left and said:
"I was just wondering what we do in that room."
Justin and I immediately started laughing.
He was pointing at the DINING room.
Hope he's not scared to go in there now...

I've got to be more careful

My sister, Ashley, made me a couple of CD's for our drive from VT to IN. Now, most of you know that I'm totally down with the rap music and so is Ash. One of the CD's she made me is quite rap heavy and I really enjoy listening to it. The other one that she made me is more mellow.

Shortly after we arrived in Indiana, we were driving around and, all of a sudden, from the backseat we hear Noah, singing at the top of his lungs:

'BATTLEFIELD! BATTLEFIELD! BATTLEFIELD!'

Justin and I thought this was pretty funny. It's from a Jordin Sparks song that was (fortunately) on the more mellow CD. It's currently Noah's favorite song and he has been singing it constantly for days.

I have always just listened to the music I liked and Clayton, who lives in his own little land most of the time, never paid much attention so I didn't think about it too much. Looks like I need to start paying better attention...

It Starts Early

Clayton went to a birthday party a few weeks ago for a girl in his class. Most of the kids in his class were there and he was bouncing off the walls with excitement telling me all about it when I picked him up (which is saying something considering that he NEVER tells me anything).

At one point he asked me to guess which friends of his were at the party. So I went through the names of the kids in his class (there's only 15 so it's not hard) and, one by one, he confirmed or denied whether that particular child was at the party.

Finally, I got to Elinore. I asked if Elinore had been at the party and he responded with a very huffy 'YES'. He's always such good friends with the kids in his class and, for a while, he and Elinore were inseperable so I was confused at this sudden animosity towards Elinore.

So I asked, "Hey, what's wrong? Don't you like Elinore anymore?"

His response was an emphatic, "NO!"

I had to ask, "Why?"

His response (classic), "Because, mom, she's ALWAYS trying to tell me what to do!!"

Justin, who was sitting next to me in the car, started cracking up and told Clayton simply, "Well, get used to that buddy!"

Brotherly Love

The boys love Josie. I (mostly) love watching their interactions with her. They've given her a few nicknames:

Anchor or Anchor-ank: Clayton came up with this gem. Not sure where it came from or why he thought it was appropriate, but he called her that for several months after she was born. Maybe he thinks she "anchors" our family??

Ka-Chigga: This is Noah's special nickname for her lately. It's the noise that Chick makes in the movie Cars. Maybe Noah thinks she's mean, but he is so sweet when he calls her this that I don't think that's why he thought of it.

Swiper: Another gem that Noah came up with. This one isn't so precious. Noah can be at one end of the hallway and Josie will be at the other end. All she has to do is look his way and he'll yell, "Swiper NO Swiping!"

Jo or Joey: Now, I call her Jo or Joey sometimes when we're playing around, but Clayton calls her these names far more than I do! I love that he does that. (He also calls her Josephine when she's crying or getting into trouble.)

Boy: Another one of Noah's tender nicknames (eye roll). When he's mad at her he'll yell, "You're not a girl! You're a BOY!" Apparently, being a boy is the worst insult he can think of for a little girl.

And one more, but this is a new nickname that Noah has come up with for Clayton:

Clayt: Ohhh, how it makes Clayton CRAZY! Noah, in typical little brother fashion, calls him 'Clayt' just to bother him. He gets such a mischeivious grin on his face when he does it too. Pootie.

More Butts

We have a stack of boxes in our living room. They are very tempting for a certain three year old and he wants to climb them/play in them all the time. He's not allowed. I've been telling him this for days but, because he's a guy and has selective hearing, he doesn't seem to listen when I tell him this. Today this happened:

(Noah, climbing the boxes)
Me: Noah get down.
Noah: NO!
Me: Yes. Get down or I will spank your butt!
Noah (reluctantly getting down): NO! You are NOT the captain of the butt ship!
Me (choking back a laugh): WHAT!?!
Noah: You are NOT the captain of the butt ship!
Me: Then who is?
Noah (realizing I'm laughing now, so he's hamming it up): ME!
Me: Okay then. Aye aye, Captain!

What a weirdo.

Pootie.

Gray Hair Butt

I had written my name on a piece of paper right next to the numbers 01. Clayton wanted to know what it said so I pointed to it and told him that it said my name, Ariane. He kept staring at it and corrected me by telling me that it said, 'Olariane'. He was pretty insistent with this.

Justin and I were both in the kitchen at this time and it didn't take long for 'olariane' to become 'OLDariane'. Justin was laughing and mocking me because I'm old. I said:

I may be old, but at least I don't have gray hair!!

Justin (who has a few grays, nothing really noticable), responded with the always clever:

I may have gray hair, but...

At this point Clayton decided to chime in again with this little gem:

Dad, you have gray hair butt!!!

I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard!!! Awesome!!

Lately Noah has been very apologetic. He's been apologizing to all of us for things that he did months ago. He recently apologized to me for breaking my mirror (which he did in October), he's apologized to Clayton for taking his toys, and to Josie for yelling at her.

I got so excited at this new phase! I figured that maybe he was turning over a new leaf and was going to stop being such a (for lack of a better word) Pootie. I have been encouraging all the apologies with lots of hugs and kisses and kind words. 'Maybe the terrible two's are finally behind us' I thought. Then I heard this:

Yesterday he and Josie were playing together in his room:

Noah: Miss Jos, I'm so so sorry that I'm going to jump on you now.

I ran in and caught him before he actually achieved his goal. Maybe the terrible two's are here to stay...

Pootie.

Noah-isms

Noah: Dad, what is that?
Justin: I don't know. What are you looking at?
Noah: I don't know. But it sure looks interesting!

Noah: Miss Jos, you are a TERRIBLE mess!!

Me: Noah, what are you doing?
Noah: Pootying.
(Apparently, when one is a Pootie, you can pootie, be pootying, or have pootied.)

Noah: Oh dear. I'm so confused!

Me: Noah are you being a pest?
Noah: Yes.
Me: Why?
Noah: Because I like it!

Noah to McQueen: You drive THIS way. If you don't, I will bite you! (FYI: McQueen didn't drive the correct way, and he did get bit.)

We set up our Christmas decorations today and that excited Noah to no end. He was into everything and couldn't keep his hands off of anything! Justin kept telling him to stop touching stuff and, finally, Noah snapped back. He started yelling at Justin. I told him to say sorry. He refused. I told him that unless he said sorry, he was going to time out. So he stomped over to Justin and yelled 'SORRY' in his angriest voice.

Justin told him that he needed to say a nice sorry. To which Noah replied:

"NO! I say an angry sorry! SORRY!"

Justin tried again and asked him to say a good sorry. Noah replied:

"NO! I say a BAD sorry!"

Justin and I couldn't hide our laughter. Pootie.

I guess he told me!

I've mentioned before how Noah is a stubborn kid. He's so different from his brother. With Clayton, if you get angry at him, he tries to fix it because he doesn't want you to be mad. Noah, on the other hand, doesn't care one bit if you are angry at him - in fact, he's angry at YOU! So there!

He was out playing in the backyard with a toy Guido from 'Cars'. It had gotten dirty in the mud so he came inside to wash it off. Well, Noah has lost his sink priviledges due numerous bad decisions in the past. So I kindly offered to wash Guido for him. Here's how it went down:

Me: I'll wash Guido for you.
Noah: NO! I will do it!
Me (taking Guido because he really was gross): No bud, you aren't allowed to use the sink. I'll do it really fast.
Noah: No! I'll do it really slow!

I took Guido to the sink and washed him off while Noah yelled at me in the background. Once Guido was nice and clean I gave him back.

Noah: I don't want him now!
Me: That's fine, maybe I'll play with him then.
Noah: NO! I don't want him, but you can't play with him either!
Me: Yes I can, if you don't want him!
Noah (storming off to his room): NO! I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!!!

Okay, so he's not talking to me. Truthfully, there are worse things that could happen. So I turn around and start cooing and talking to Josie when I hear Noah storm back out of his room and march right up to me.

Noah: You should be very sad! I'm still not talking to you!!

And he stormed back into his room. While I tried to laugh silently in the kitchen.

Pootie.

Lately Noah doesn't want to go to church. I'm trying everything in my arsenal to make it a positive experience but, every Sunday, I feel like it's a battle to get him dressed and out the door. There are days where I just want to give up with him and say, "forget it!" but that's not an option so I take a deep breath and dive right in.

It seems like every week he finds a new reason not to go to church. I think that he finally hit rock bottom recently though. As always, when it came time to walk out the door, he threw a massive tantrum. I tried to stay calm and told him that we were going to church. This was how he responded:

I don't want to go to church! I am going to take off my pants!!

Well, being pants-less would definitely keep you home from church but this was a new low for Noah. When he said this I became trapped in that place where you want so hard to laugh but you know that you shouldn't break character. What am I going to do with this kid!?!

To Forgive is divine...if you can remember!

Clayton learned about forgiveness in primary today. Nice.

At the end of sharing time he was given a chocolate cupcake. He was being kind and sharing it with all of us after church by picking off the smallest crumbs imaginable and giving them to us. Sweet. Noah, because he's in nursery, didn't get a cupcake. He wasn't satisfied with the bites Clayton was giving him and cornered Clayton, grabbed his cupcake, shoved it all into his mouth, and ran away.

Clayton broke out in sobs and all the adults were wondering what had happened. He told us the story and we looked to see Noah, grinning ear to ear, with a mouthful of chocolate cupcake.

Noah: I shoved it into my mouth!!

We decided this was a good time to review what he'd just learned in primary. We told Clayton he needed to forgive and forget. He readily forgave Noah but he kept talking about the incident.

On the drive home from church I reminded Clayton that he needed to forgive and FORGET.

Clayton: I am! I forgot to forgive.

Yep, that sums it up!

Uncle Bubba! Quit being so scandalous!

A while ago Noah, Josie and I were at Wal Mart. We were walking down the isles when we passed a guy doing his shopping. Let me describe this guy:

Age: Probably late teens, early 20's
Height/weight: Probably about 6 feet, 150/160lbs
Hair: Shaved

Noah got really excited when we saw this guy and started shouting:

Uncle Bubba, Uncle Bubba!!!

He was SO excited. I had to tell him that this was not Uncle Bubba (sad). Then I took a second look at this guy.

This guy had on really baggy pants and a dirty white 'wife-beater' tank top (classy). He also had numerous tats up and down both arms and several ear piercings. He also had a thick gold chain around his neck.

I died laughing and still smile a little when I think of it. Spot on Noah, spot on!

Oh ladies, what have we done!?!

My sisters, my mom, and I get in 'secret fights'. Typically, when you are in a secret fight with someone, it's more funny than angry. We tell each other all the time when we are in these 'secret fights'. For example: if I don't hear from Ashley for 24 straight hours, I will be in a 'secret fight' with her until I can reach her. Anyway, I suppose that Noah has heard me talking about being in a 'secret fight'.

Today he was playing on Josie's play mat. Those infant playmats aren't designed for tornadoes like Noah so I asked him (very calmly and politely) to get off her mat.

Noah: NO! We are fighting! We are in a secret fight!!!

Heaven help me - what have I started!?!

Angry Outbursts

Noah is a little firecracker. He can be the sweetest, most loving child on earth but do something to upset him and watch out. He has a tendency to fly off the handle. Usually when this happens I get pretty frustrated with him, but other times it just makes me laugh. Today, it just made me laugh.

He was walking around the house in a pair of my shoes. Normally I don't care too much but these shoes were pretty steep wedges and he was walking by the basement stairs. I didn't want him to fall so I asked him to take my shoes off. Here's what went down:

Me: Noah, take the shoes off please.
Noah: NO!
Me: Yes, take them off or else I'll have to do it for you.
Noah: GRRRR!! (yes, he growls at you when he's mad at you)
Throws one of my shoes down the stairs.
Me: Hey! Uncool! Go get that shoe!
Noah: NO!
Me: Fine. Clayton, will you bring my shoe up and put it in my closet?
Obedient Clayton does.
As Clayton picks up my shoes to take them to my closet, Noah - with a scary angry face and a growly voice - says this to me:
McQueen is your closet!!

Don't get it? Me either. I just know that this little guy was furiously angry with me and I think, in his mind, telling me that McQueen was my closet was a really big insult. It didn't help the situation that I couldn't hide my laughter...

Goodness, I hope he can overcome his shyness (eyeroll)

The school district out here rocks. Seriously, South Burlington is supposed to be one of the best school districts in the country. They have been doing so much to help Clayton get ready for kindergarten so I am not surprised when I hear how amazing the schools are.

Last night we went to "Jump Into Kindergarten" where Clayton got to meet all the kindergarten teachers and they gave him a "Kindergarten Kit" full of activities and things that he could take home to help him prepare.

Anyway, while we were waiting to begin, Clayton was playing with pattern blocks. Another little boy and his mom came and sat at our table and the other boy started to play also. This is the little conversation:

Clayton: Hey, what's your name?
New Friend: Jacob Allen Masterson (not his real middle and last name, but he did introduce himself with his full name).
Clayton: Hey Jake! What's up? I'm Clayton and this is my mommy. I call her mommy, but you can call her Air!

Basically, my kid rocks at making friends. I only hope that Jacob is okay being called Jake all year because I'm pretty sure Clayton is going to be a nickname kind of guy.

What's your flavor?

Noah was sick yesterday (boo). He had a fever and was pretty listless and out of it. We were out when I realized how sick he was so I hurried and loaded the kids so that we could get Noah back to my parent's house and into bed. Clayton wanted to know what the rush was. I explained to him that Noah was sick and had a fever. When we made it back to my parents house Clayton wasted no time telling my mom, dad, and sister that, "Noah does not feel well."

Ashley asked him what was wrong with Noah and he said:

Noah is sick. He has a flavor.

We laughed for a minute and then asked him what Noah's flavor was. He said:

Green.

I think that's probably a good flavor to be when you're sick.

Clayton has become very interested in loosing teeth. A lot of his friends in primary have lost teeth and he's fascinated by this. I asked him if he knew what you were supposed to do with your teeth once you've lost them. He said that he didn't know. I told him that when you loose a tooth you get to put it under your pillow. Then I said, 'Do you know what happens to your tooth when you put it under your pillow?' He got REALLY excited and started bouncing around in his chair so I assumed he had heard about the Tooth Fairy. Instead, I got this:

It turns into a WHISTLE!!!!

Apparently at our house the tooth fairy won't be bringing money. She'll be turning the teeth into whistles...

'Have

We went to a Strawberry Festival. At the festival I lost Clayton for about ten minutes. I cannot describe the terror that was going through me while he was missing. It turned out that he had wandered away to the park that is at the farm (he did it quickly too - my back was only turned for a second). Anyway, when I found him I went on and on about how he needed to behave and not wander away. I told him that if he could behave and stick with me, we could go to the park when we were done at the festival. After we had done a few more festival things, Clayton looked at me and said:

Mom? Can we go back to the park now? I'm being very 'have!

My Personal Trainer

Noah is very good at making sure I work out everyday. He loves to bring me my running shoes and say, "Tremeo (treadmill) Mommy"

Right now (38 weeks pregnant) getting on the treadmill everyday isn't something I have a lot of energy to do so I'm really grateful that he follows me around with my shoes until I put them on. He's really persistant that I get on the treadmill (he reminds me a lot of my sister Ashley - it's almost as if I'm disappointing him if I don't work out).

Anyway, today as I was putting on my shoes I said to Noah:
You are a really good personal trainer buddy.
He responded with:
Yes
Then he took off running. I wondered where he was going because he usually waits for me to put my shoes on so that he can personally escort me to the treadmill. A few seconds later he returned with a toy train. He told me:
I a good trainer!

He makes me laugh. Sometimes I forget how literal they are at this age! Noah is a good personal "train"er in more ways than one!!

The other night we were watching TV when a catfood commercial came on. Clayton said:
"Can I have a cat?"
Justin, who was looking at dog rescues online, said to him:
"Would you rather have a cat or a dog?"
Clayton replied (with enthusiasm):
"A DOG!!!"
I decided to bring us all back to reality by reminding them:
"Well, in a few months we are going to have a baby sister, so we really can't get a dog right now."
To which Clayton replied:
"Well, I'd rather have a dog."
Poor little sister - not even born yet and already Clayton wishes she were a dog...

For the love...will someone please be my valentine!?!?!

Today:
Me: Good Morning Clayton. Happy Valentine's Day!
C: Good Morning Mommy. Happy Valentine's Day to you!
Me: Will you be my Valentine today?
C: NO!
Me: Why not?
C: I'm not a snack!!
(WHAT???)
Me: I know. I don't want to eat you, I want you to be my Valentine.
C: I'm a kid. Not a Valentine.
Me: That's too bad, because I have a special treat for my Valentine's today.
C: You do?
Me: Yes, it's too bad you don't want to be my Valentine.
C (thinking about it): Okay, I guess I'll be your Valentine.
Me: Great! I love you Clayton!
C: I love you too Mommy. Now where's my special treat for being your Valentine?

The dance king of New England

Noah loves music. He has, what we call, 'The Funk'. Everytime there is any sort of music with a beat, he starts to shake his moneymaker. He's actually got a pretty good sense of rhythm too!

The other day we were listening to the radio while I was making dinner. Noah was sitting at the counter eating Crasins and we were just talking and playing around. All of a sudden, on the radio, a Justin Timberlake song started playing. I wasn't paying attention to the song but Noah bolted out of his stool so fast that I was sure he had hurt himself. He ran over to where I was standing and said to me,

"Mommy! Sake you booty! Sake you booty Mommy! Sake it!"

I started to laugh so hard - but of course - we both shook our booties!!

Sportsmanship

Justin was playing MarioKart on the Wii the other day and was not doing so well. For those of you who know Justin, you know that when he isn't doing as well as he feels he should be, he takes it pretty hard (especially with the Wii). Well, he was getting angry at the TV and Clayton - who was sitting right next to him - piped in with this little gem:

Dad, it's fun to win, but it's okay to loose too! There's nothing to get angry about.

Needless to say that was the reality check that Justin needed (and, let's face it, really funny for a four-year-old to say). When Justin told me about this later, we both started laughing really hard. I'm so grateful for Clayton and his attitude. I hope he will always be this optimistic!

From the mouths of babes!

I was putting on my make up with Clayton watching me and we had the following conversation:

Clayton: Mom, who wears make-up?
Me: Girls do.
Clayton: So, does Daddy wear make-up?
Me: No because Daddy's a boy.
Clayton: Does Addy wear make-up?
(Addy is a friend of his.)
Me: Probably not because Addy is a little girl. Grown up girls are the ones who wear the make-up.
Clayton: Grown-up girls? Why do grown up girls wear make-up?
Me (trying hard to think on my feet): Because we are old and make-up hides our 'oldness'.
Clayton: Oh.

A little while later I am putting on my mascara.

Clayton: Mom, are you putting eye make-up on your old eye?

I about died laughing. So there you have it - I'm old and have old eyes!

When we found out that we were having a girl, I was very excited to share this news with Clayton. We have been talking about it for a while now (well, I've been talking anyway) and I have been asking him for weeks if he wanted a little brother or a little sister. He rarely pays much attention and whenever I ask this question he just rattles off any old answer, so some days he wants a brother and some days he wants a sister. So when I came home to share the news, the conversation went like this:

Me: Clayton! You're going to have a sister!!
Clayton: I don't want a sister! Wait, what's a sister?
Me: It's like a brother, but a girl.
Clayton: Yeah, I don't want one of those.

I'm pretty sure this would have been his response no matter what gender the baby was. I know he'll come around. Hopefully he'll do it before the baby comes though.

Mom: The Funstopper

One of Clayton's jobs every night is to clean up the toys in the basement. One night he didn't want to do it and spent the entire time complaining about how there were "too many toys". So, to remedy the situation, I took away 3/4 of his toys in order to teach him the importance of not whining and just cleaning up. The next day, he wanted all of his toys back. I told him that he couldn't have them back until he proved to me that he could handle cleaning up the amount of toys that he had. As he was walking away, head hung low with despair, I hear this little gem:

Mom NEVER lets me do anything fun!

It might have been a little sad, but mostly it was just funny. I still get a good laugh over that one.

Today Clayton told me that he was going to school and that he was going to go and wait for the bus. I told him to go right ahead. A few minutes later I see him, backpack on, staring out the window waiting for his bus. I said to him, "Honey, you know we are playing pretend, right?" Then he turned to me with tears in his eyes and said, "But mom, I'm not pretending. I'm going to school!" It made my heart catch a little. He is growing up so fast and in 27 short days he will be starting school. I'm not sure I'm ready to let go yet...

The boys were eating breakfast together the other day when, for no apparent reason, Noah became very upset. He was crying and banging his fists on the table and just not having a good time. Nothing I was doing was helping so Clayton decided to weigh in.

Clayton: Mom, Noah is very sad.
Me: Yep, he really is.
Clayton: We have to make him feel better.
Me: Okay, what do you think we should do to help him?
Clayton: I think that if we buy him a new Volvo he will feel better.

I like the way Clayton thinks. I know that if I was upset a new Volvo would definitely make me feel better. I love this age. Clayton just cracks me up!!

My Knight in Shining Armor!

Today as I was in the shower I got a special treat! Shortly after I got in, Noah burst into the bathroom to play peek-a-boo with me (I am sure this happens to every mom). I do not like it when my kids interrupt my shower (who does) and so I was trying to get Noah out of the bathroom without actually leaving the sanctuary of the shower.
Fortunately, not too long after the initial interruption, Clayton came into the bathroom too! I was about to get really frustrated when I heard this:

"Noah, come on out of here. This is Mommy's special alone time!"

He then herded Noah out of the bathroom and closed the door nice and tight. I am always grateful for my kids, but right now I am especially grateful for Clayton and his understanding of how important Mommy's "special alone time" is to her! He saved my shower! MY HERO!!